Stuff and nonsense

Last day as “Community Care Worker”

Things I shall miss:
Cups of coffee; macadamia biscuits; the Zen satisfaction of polishing someone else’s silver antiques; watching male pigeons trying to court in vain on the same fence of the backyard I have morning tea in; stewing apples; being showered with mountains of praise for neatly folding up a bedsheet; feeling appreciated and safe in the absolute confidence of my abilities; listening to a 90yo playing the keyboard while I have the headphones on, not her (ie. she can’t hear the notes she’s playing, only see them); trying to keep track of >12 great-grandchildren; weekly gossip.

Things I shall not miss:
Emptying commodes; putting suspenders on a 90yo woman (more creepy that you would care to know); cleaning ear wax off hearing aids; vaccuuming the same set of chairs for the 6th week in a row; getting stuck listening to a Grandpa Simpson story-telling on my way out (eg. “and then he said “hello” and then I said “hello” and then he said “nice day today”…etc, ad infinitum).

Last day as “Medical Student”(or is this waaaaay too presumptuous?)

Things I shall miss:
No responsibility; getting home with hours of sunshine left; being able to hang around the buffet table at Grand Rounds; nicking off for “a tutorial”; being able to ask for help if a bung/blood proves too difficult without ridicule; student discounts; having a good excuse for being a bum all the time; long lunches; camaraderie.

Things I shall not miss:
Being completely clueless; no-one taking notice of you unless you’re about to fuck something up; seniors on a power-trip getting kicks out of harassing the med student; studying the pointless/boring; fear of exams; fear of assessments; fear; always being budget-conscious, always asking patients to let you examine them only so you can benefit from it.

Goodbye my quasi-surrogate oldies. May you continue to grow old and prosper!

Goodbye wards. Until next we meet.

Hehehe…these chickens are so cute…

It’s official: private hospitals are a scam.

Sure you’ve got nice views, friendlier nurses, and better food (I caught them serving strawberry sundaes) but if you’re actually going into hospital for your health, I suggest you stick to McGinty territory. At least for the next fortnight.

My wonderfully competent and high-functioning RMO has taken leave to complete her thesis, and left me and the patients with Dr. Dodgy as replacement. Counting today, this will have been his 3rd official working day in an English speaking country.

Examples of dodginess:

• Patient consistently having hypos*. Refusal to change insulin dose despite patient’s and nurses’ concerns.
• Patient consistently gaining weight, swollen legs, short of breath, is obviously fluid-overloaded. Refusal to increase diuretic** dose.
• Stays on ward until 8:30pm previous night. Next morning “discovers” patient on list, who hasn’t been seen for 4 days.
• Piles of unsigned paperwork and discharge summaries in each ward, despite my telling him repeated times about it.
• Signs my med charts without checking them, which has already led to 1 patient missing an important medication dose and another almost receiving double.

I blame the system. It’s insane that we’re so short-staffed we can hire anyone and put them out there with no orientation and no registrar or consultant support. There’s only so much a stressed and not particularly bright med student can cover up. It’s rather fortunate that all the patients follow the gomer principle of general medicine and potter away happily by themselves without intervention, and those that do decompensate hopefully do so at such a slow rate that someone else picks them up before they Code Blue.

I blame Dr. Dodgy. He’s been shadowing my RMO for a week, and still doesn’t know how to write up a med chart properly. What have you been doing man??

I blame my consultant. Flamboyant, hip, witty, he is one of the new generation of consultants – young but cynical, cocky but not stand-offish. Patients love him, despite the fact that he never listens to them and hardly ever gives us a proper directive. He is getting paid, essentially, to do nothing.

The nurses are starting to discuss the patients with me, as if I was the one making decisions, even though Dr. Dodgy is right there. It’s embarrassing. The only good to come out of this is the realisation that after having done half a week of pretend interning, whilst possibly painful, it actually is do-able next year. If Dodgy can get away with it, so can I!

On a completely unrelated note, today I broke a resolve to myself and bummed a lift off the Slacker. I didn’t have much choice. People like him would be so much easier to forgive if they showed a bit more compassion every now and again…

*low blood sugar, potentially very dangerous.
**medication that makes you pee out fluid. The stuff Shane Warne takes.

go to http://www.darrenhanlon.com/index.cfm?go=html.discography# and click on “I wish that I was beautiful for you” for the most simple, beautiful ballad on repeat in my inner ear.

Heartwrenchingly good.